Hi, I'm Bob, Partner in-Charge of...

I work for a Limited Liability Partnership or LLP. Hence, there are no shareholders but partners who are the owners of the firm. I’m told that making partner is a pretty big deal. Maybe it is but that’s really just the beginning.

After making partner, then EVERYTHING is a big deal. Where your office is, who your administrative assistant is, which partner you’re sleeping with, which partner you’re doing drugs with. Basically, it’s where the real fun starts. Most importantly, there are other partners to compete with for special, super-duper important-sounding tag names in order to earn some credibility among other partners.

Examples include: Partner in-charge of Subtle Racism, Partner in-charge of National Recruiting of Hot 20-something Girls, Partner in-charge of Tongue Lashings, Partner in-charge of Cruel and Unusual Punishment.

The point is that these partners, important as they think they are, have to make a name for themselves. How they choose to do that seems to be a matter of how many names someone in the HR department can come up with so no one is left out. Here's a quick example of an introduction at a meaningless cocktail party:

Partner #1: Hi, we haven't met. I'm Bob, Partner in-charge of Lame Cocktail Parties

Partner #2: Hi Bob. I'm Jim, Partner in-charge of Keeping Subordinates in Line

Partner #1: Oh, ok Jim. So you're responsible for making sure that when someone gets hammered at one of these lame cocktail parties that I'm in charge of, they either have partner approval or are a partner themselves.

Partner #2: That's right Bob. Sometimes your job makes my job pretty difficult. But hey, at least we're both rich!

Partner #1: That's right Jim! HAHAHAHAHA!

Parnter #2: HAHAHAHAHA!

As you can see, very important business is conducted among these partners.

The titles pretty much sum up each partner’s responsibility: Partner in-charge of Wining and Dining. Partner in-charge of Propaganda. Partner in-charge of Squashing Sexual Harassment Suits. Each partner will also be happy to tell you why he/she is so excited to be in his/her role and the importance of that role. Hence, if something is important to the firm and their isn’t a role for it, you can probably make it up and they will make the position for you.

Partner in-charge of Button-up Blue Shirts. Partner in-charge of Lame Jokes. Partner in-charge of Crappy Technology. The list goes on and on. Please feel free to share some of your favorites. I want to make sure that I’m not missing anything.

Also, please feel free to navigate outside of the LLP. Corporations will probably have more impressive positions that I’m not aware of. Sphere: Related Content