Thursday, September 4, 2008

Top 100 Places That Will Drive You to Drink

It’s a little surprising how Corporations boast about the awards they are given by “business” periodicals.  They use these “designations” to recruit potential employees, impress current employees, and something for the bigwigs to feel good about.  The thing is, the “business” periodicals probably hang out with a lot of these corporate bigwigs at cocktail parties and that’s where this whole awards thing started.  

Here’s a hypothetical exchange:

“Business” Peridoical Bigwig:  Hi, I’m Dick, Media-Titan-in-Chief of Crappily Run Business Monthly.

Corporate Bigwig:  Hi Dick, I’m Tim, overpaid, unqualified, badly dressed (not to mention badly out of shape) Chief Bigwig of Crappy Consultants, Inc.

 “Business” Periodical Bigwig: Tim, we’re doing a list in a couple months honoring companies that are overachievers.  We think your company might be a contender for one of the top slots

Corporate Bigwig: I tell you what, Dick, we’ve been providing our employees with electricity for several years now and we think that this progressive thinking has made us one of the best companies to work for.

 “Business” Periodical Bigwig: Wow, Tim.  Letting your employees have access to electricity is really setting the benchmark for other companies.  You really must your employees to be able to see what they are working on.

Corporate Bigwig:  Well Dick, it’s a costly proposition but we feel that treating our employees like people is pretty important and providing them with electricity rather than candlelight is just the first of many new ideas at Crappy Consultants.

 “Business” Periodical Bigwig:  Tim, I’m confident we’ll be able to find a spot for Crappy Consultants on this year’s list.  Now let’s get drunk and hit on some interns!

 Corporate Bigwig: Sounds good Dick!

Now this might seem like a stretch but it’s my position that it’s not.  Should large, liquid companies be given awards for seemingly basic treatment of the employees?  Surely not.  Should reasonable resources, given the company’s capabilities, be made available to the employees?  Hopefully the answer is yes. 

 The problem persists however, that unsuitable technology, inadequate benefits, and overall bigoted treatment of employees is still the norm.

 I’m not saying we should be working 30 hour workweeks but we shouldn’t have to settle for laptops that can’t run more than one program at a time and sitting in chairs that give us crooked spines and sore legs.

Oh, and working for incompetent, self-absorbed, corporate soldiers.  

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