It's Definitely Time...

If you don't know, consider this.

And no, this is not what being unemployed has done to me...I could never grow a mustache.

Job hunting after being part of a massive layoff is an experience worth complaining about for many reasons but I'll focus on the process itself in this particular post.

Most notably in the job hunting process are the individuals that work as “recruiters” to set you up with potential employers. Recruiters are almost always paid on a commission basis. Whatever the new employer pays the candidate, the recruiting firm receives a percentage of that new salary.

I probably don't have to tell you that this often leads to large groups of smooth talking slimy individuals that very infrequently have the candidate's best interests in mind. Bigger salary for candidate = bigger commission. OHHH, and by the way, they want to meet you in person to make sure you're not a complete boob like this guy. Suit up, go in, get the dog and pony show, shake hands, blah, blah, blah.

Fine. Sometimes this can't be helped. A necessary evil means to an end. So they set you up with an interview. Now we're moving on to the next stage: meeting the potential employer.

This is where it gets tricky. Recruiters often don't tell you a lot about the company or the position because they don't know squat about your given expertise (in my case bean counting). They throw around a bunch of vague cliches so they sound like they know what they're talking about and try to sex it up as much as possible with goodies like traveling to cool locations, 40 hour work weeks, easy to get along with superiors, etc. All the stuff you want to hear.

Reluctantly you agree to meet with the potential employer even though it's a 40 minute commute on President's Day. STRIKE 1

Oh, and they are offering significantly below what you were already making. STRIKE 2

Ok. Two strikes. Don't worry. Maybe they are really cool people and they have a Google-style cafeteria and flexible work scheduling and possible telecommuting.

Suit up and go to interview. In the interview: you find out that you aren't going to be traveling to Florida, California, New York, Europe but in fact to Nova Scotia and North Dakota in the dead of winter and to New Orleans in the smack middle of hurricane season.

Oh, and the people that you would be working with are still ACCOUNTANTS. For the most part we're not talking about terribly exciting people. Their interests consist of golfing, sports and living in the suburbs. SHUDDER.

STRIKE 3

So what are you going to do? You need a job. Oh, and because you (i.e. me) are a normal person and can form several coherent sentences in a row and talk reasonably intelligently about something relevant to accounting, they ask you back for the second interview.

Did I forget to mention that the recruiter wants CONSTANT UPDATES like I'm a human SportsCenter or something. Um, YEAH.

Ok, second interview. Suit up (that's three). This consists of lunch which is at a barely step-above casual dining restaurant that still happens to be a chain. Whatevs. Free lunch. Economics was such BS.

Lunch is fine. Not terribly awkward. More talk about sports and weather. Again, it's free. Back to the potential employer's place of biz. Chat a bit longer, CFO isn't available, no problem. We'll get this wrapped soon they say. Meet HR guy. He's not an accountant, so that's refreshing.

Give recruiter the mandatory call after the interview. Yes, it went fine. I think they're interested. Yes, the job seems fine. Ok. Great. Hang-up phone. Mimic blowing my brains out with thumb and pointer finger gun.

Recruiter calls. Hey, CFO wants to meet you. Great. Suit up (#4). Meet CFO for all of 15 minutes. Goes pretty well considering the time. Talk with another guy not met previously. Fine. Good. Out.

Mandatory update given to recruiter. Mimic suicide by thumb/pointer gun again.

One day. Two days. Three days. Weekend. Medicate. Medicate. Recruiter is confident that you will hear something Monday.

Monday. No word. Tuesday: they passed. Wonderful. Claim unemployment for the week.

And the wheels on the bus go round and round...

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Rocky Mountain Debut

Oh readers, how long it has been! I'll catch you up. I left New York for the sunshine state of Colorado a week before Christmas, arriving safe and sound, with Lovebird in tow and am now residing in the basement of a friend while I continue to do my best Willy Loman/George Costanza impression.

In all seriousness, being unemployed has its ups and downs. Sometimes you couldn't be happier to not have any reason to get up and join the rat race. Other times, it's a little nerve-racking. It probably has something to do with feeling totally unproductive. While writing in a blog that few people read and doing sketches that no one is interested in has it's moments, my artistic talents are probably at hobby level at best, and I've got too much school debt to give up on the corporate world altogether.

I've been to a couple of interviews and am actually waiting to hear back on one of them so there's still hope! At least I haven't had to resort to the opposite strategy...

Anyway, don't fret for me readers! Like I said, it has its ups and downs and today is an UP! Sphere: Related Content

Forced Socialization

One of my biggest pet peeves in the workplace is that of forced socialization among co-workers (epitomized here).  

A good example is today, where my office provided lunch for everyone and everyone waits in line chatting about mostly stupid things related to work and eventually once you get your food you are free to do whatever you like, either eat with others or go back to cubicle and eat alone.

Somehow this is supposed instill a little camaraderie among co-workers.  Eating is so ingrained in our culture that I guess it makes sense for events to be organized around food.  I want to be able to choose who I eat with, not forced to stand in line and stand awkwardly around with others that I don't really know and/or like.

I've gotten to the point where I don't even want to take part in the free food.  I'd rather wait until everyone has eaten and returned chained to their desks so I can see if there is anything left and then not have to talk to anyone or act grateful for the food that was provided.  I'd rather eat something brought anyway.

Sound bitter?  Well, I probably am.  And I'm not feeling well, so I'm grouchy.  I've had about all I can stand of cliche showing of thanks in the work place. 

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How Many Days in Row Have You Worn that Shirt?

How did the culture of “I work a massive amount of hours, so I am successful” enter the mainstream of the American Professional? Just to clarify, for the purposes of this posting, I am talking specifically about people that work for a professional services company with a background in either accounting or finance (e.g. PricewaterhouseCoopers, JP Morgan).

I know many professionals, including myself, that have met this 80 hour threshold on numerous occasions. EIGHTY HOURS. For those of you not adept at arithmetic, that is TWO traditional workweeks in ONE. Many people have blown away the 80 hour week with 90 and even 100 hour weeks. I’ve even heard of 40 hour WEEKENDS. Why on earth did we do that and why do people continue to do it?

Believe it or not, some people work these hours as a badge of honor. People actually boast about the amount hours they worked yesterday, last week or last busy season. This is puzzling to me.

99.9% of people working in accounting and finance are not being paid hourly, so there is no incentive for overtime. Unless you are truly psychotic, this would not likely be a personal goal (e.g. “I’m going to work 14 hour days all week this week!”). See? Read that aloud and that just sounds nuts.

Some possible motivations might include people that want to impress their boss in order to get ahead. This makes sense because a large portion of the professionals in financial services works for a boss. 

The problem is good bosses would never ask their subordinates to work unnecessary hours.  And as we all know, there are very few good bosses but plenty of bad bosses. One trait of bad bosses is bad communication. 

If the expectation of hours to be worked isn’t clear and only an ultimate goal is known, the effort to achieve said goal is the unknown variable. Put another way using an old cliché, "the end justifies the means".  These "means" are often not elaborated on and the terrible interpretation is often made that "means" involve slowly killing yourself by sleeping three hours a night (two of which is your commute) and eating copious amounts of pizza, hot wings, and various Asian foods on a daily basis. 

Huge pressure on a big, seemingly important projects have to be completed by a certain date.  These dates are not, in any situation flexible.  "If this audit is not completed by the third Wednesday of the third month following the fourth quarter of the fiscal year, there will be HELL TO PAY."  

Take your pick: IPO, a financial statement audit, tax filing deadline, a merger or acquisition.  They're all basically the same.  Just different people wearing the same wrinkled clothes day after day, after agonizing day.

Oh, and did I mention money? The large investments banks are given business by rich people. These investment banks have to arrange for audits, filing of tax returns, due diligence (fancy business talk for making sure people aren't complete idiots), and retain other financial services in order to keep the rich people rich.

Ultimately, the people in these professions are going to continue to work the hours phantomly mandated by the project at hand. And as long as there incentives to working these crappy hours, people will continue to take the positions.

I invite anyone to share horror stories that they may have.

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We're Really Sorry We're So Evil... Here's Pizza!

I got a request from a fellow cube-hand for the topic of eating at one's workspace, specifically dining on fish.

Her feeling is one of totally grossed outedness. This is understandable considering you never hear anyone say, "that mackerel smells wonderful". In general, foods that are especially fragrant should not be allowed within the confines of a cube farm.

Granted, certain "congregation foods" (e.g. pizza, Chinese take-out) are an exception but typically these are confined to one area and forces socializing so that not everyone is back at their desk immediately before piling on the drippy, cheesy grease or MSG.

That brings up the point of management's dangling of the carrot in the form of food. There is a strange pattern of behavior among many corporate management teams out there that demonstrates their feeling that food, specifically unhealthy food, somehow makes everything ok. No matter how evil their transgressions, somehow pizza (the most popular medium) makes everything ok.

I had the unfortunate experience of eating pizza every Friday for the better part of year. Clearly, management felt that they were so deeply indebted for reparations that pizza every single week for the remainder of our time on Earth was warranted.

"Caleb," you say, "you live in New York, the pizza there is great. What are you complaining about?" Well, pizza is good. But too much of good thing sometimes messes with your digestive system and stains one too many shirts to be appreciated any more. Further, I can only stuff my face with so much platitude sincerity.

But I digress. Fish at the desk. Probably a no-no. I invite other thoughts regarding food that should be banned from work spaces.

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