Tchotchke Follow-up: What's with the KPMG Hand Gel?

A reader, a little late to the game, sent in another picture for our tchotchke contest from a few weeks back. Enjoy:

Look familiar? That's because this is our second submission of Radio Station hand gel. Which begs the obvious question: why the hell is KPMG handing out hand gel? Did Tim Flynn and the boys at the top determine that the touch of soft, creamy hands are the key to great client service? Was the constant high-fiving amongst team members driving many to complain of raw palms? Or perhaps, Bernie Madoff isn't the only one that enjoys a little rub 'n tug in the middle of a tough day?

Sphere: Related Content

Wild Speculation Wednesday: KPMG All-Star Game Publicity Edition

We didn't watch MLB's All-Star Game last night but we did hear today that a bunch of bean counters are all abuzz about the KPMG logo being on the building in dead center field. Our initial reaction is: GET. A. LIFE. This is what you spend your morning talking about? Vomit.

In any case, we tried finding a pic on the web and this is best we found. Apparently it was in plain sight on the tube but again, we repeat, WGAF?

In our search for a picture of the building we noticed some older pictures where no Radio Station logo was present:

So our speculation is that when the announcement came out that the All-Star Game was coming to St. Louie did the Radio Station suddenly spring for the new sign? How many auditors/tax associates got the axe to pay for this? Could Phil Mickelson been paid an extra million for the cost of this sign? Just throwing it out there.

Sphere: Related Content

Someone Please Tell the BBC That They're Getting Bamboozled

In what may be a blatant case of taking advantage of a client's cluelessness about what professional fees cost, KPMG raised its audit and other service fees 30% on the BBC from the prior year fees. Apparently we'll be the first to notify the BBC of this fact: 30% IS A LOT.

We're guessing the accounting staff at the BBC is a less-than motivated bunch leading some extra work for the KPMG minions but still....30%?

Maybe the partners on the engagement were photo-copying the phone book, maybe the engagement team was drinking on the clock and running the tabs through but somehow a 30% increase occurred and a bunch of Carl Kassel-types (with British accents, obv) bought whatever the Radio Station explanation happened to be.

KPMG scoops 30% more fees from BBC [Accountancy Age]

Sphere: Related Content

KPMG Might Be Trying to Pick a Fight

The Radio Station came out with some fighting words in a report entitled, Focus on Transparency, regarding banks and how they haven't quit sucking at financial reporting.

They didn't waste their time naming measly players either. To wit:

"Investment banks, including Goldman Sachs (NYSE:GS) and Barclays Capital (LON:BARC) were in particular accused of inventing schemes to reduce their capital costs in the latest sign that financial market innovation is far from dead."

Color us shocked if Goldman and Barclays give a rat crap what the House of Klynveld thinks about their reporting but we suppose ten points can go to them for calling out some heavy hitters.

KPMG slams bank annual reporting [Director of Finance Online]

Sphere: Related Content

Any KPMG Employees Working Today?

Earlier in the week we let you know that Radio Station employees were given a mandatory 5 day weekend.

Thought we'd check on all you today to make sure that none of you are working...and if you are this is your opp to vent.

Any other Big 4 firms handing mandatory 5 day weekends? Let us know! Sphere: Related Content

KPMG Requiring Mandatory PTO

Word around the campfire is that all KPMG employees are being required to take PTO on Thursday of this week and next Monday. Friday is the observed holiday so employees will have a nice five day weekend. Hoo-RAH!

This has been a common cost cutting method for many firms, large and small and is probably immensely popular with employees. Except, of course, for you lovers of all things work out there. They can't stop you losers from working from home!

Anyone else out there from other firms being required to take a long weekend? Any Radio Station employees being told to ignore the mandatory PTO days? It has happened before...Let us know the sitch. Sphere: Related Content

Deloitte Does Its Indian Practice a Favor, KPMG Not So Much

Citing conflict of interest, global accounting firm Deloitte has opted out of its assignment to restate Satyam s account, according to sources who spoke with UTVi's Arun Giri.
Satyam had awarded the work to two firms namely Deloitte and KPMG. Deloitte audits Mahindra and Mahindra accounts, and hence the conflict of interest.
KPMG will however continue with the restatement work, which is likely to take another four to six months.

Enjoy Radio Station India, you're flying solo.

Deloitte Opts Out of Satyam Assignment [CXOtoday.com] Sphere: Related Content

Finally, the U.S. Open is Over

In what amounts to a predictable finish, KPMG Phil Mickelson has finished second for the fifth time at the U.S. Open. That's more bridesmaid finishes than any other golfer in history.

Personally, we chalk it up to not breaking out of the fashion slump that Phil seems to be in. White on black hats or black on white just aren't working man. Spend some of that money on a fashion consultant or something. Rock a pink hat to support your wife, you know, something.

Regardless of today's disappointment, as we reported earlier, the Radio Station will stand continue to stand by him, because who cares about winning? Sphere: Related Content

Because We Got Ourselves Into This, We'll See it to the End

Getting sick of golf updates?

Mick ended yesterday's third round at -2 but is currently Even for the tournament through 8 holes in today's final round.

That puts him in seventh place, five shots behind the no-name leaders. The firm on his hat remains in fourth position.

UPDATE 10 AM MDT: Phil is now tied for the lead at -4. Radio Station employees are apparently watching the Open as opposed to learning about the changes to FAS 157. Sphere: Related Content

KPMG: As the Fourth Best Accounting Firm, We Will Maintain Our Commitment to Settling for the Second Best Golfer

A source within the Radio Station that is at national training this week dropped us a quick tidbit that came out of an invigorating Q&A:

Has the economic environment affected our sponsorship of Phil Mickelson?

Let that sink in...

We imagine the response went something like this:

We will not allow these tough times to force us into a situation where we have to give up paying a famous athlete millions of dollars to wear dull hats with our name on them. We have gone to great lengths to fire enough people, eliminate color copies, force partners to fly coach, etc. so that we may continue our relationship with Phil. Sphere: Related Content

Your Sunday Update On Phil Mickelson's Hat

The important stuff first: Back to white on black hat today for Mick. The white letters are probably easier to see when there aren't any clouds. Oh, and if anyone cares, he's still -1, Even for the third round, through 14 holes. That's eight shots back of the leader, who no one, even golf geeks, has apparently heard of. Sphere: Related Content

Tramp Weekend: KPMG Lefty Update

He's still -1 after the 2nd round, not that anyone is paying attention. Phil is quite the fashion-forward duffer rocking the white hat with black KPMG logo to finish his second round. Sphere: Related Content

U.S. Open Update

P. Mick shot -1 for his opening round. No word on whether Tim Flynn was caddying.

Sidenote: this photo was taken after the Radio Station minions wheeled out Phil's cash. Sphere: Related Content

We Hate to Admit it...

Sometimes, just when you think the blog gods have smiled sweetly upon you, disappointment occurs.

The latest victim of the PCAOB's version of the public rectal exam was a Tramp fave, KPMG.

But to the disappointment of the Tramp, the Radio Station didn't really fare that bad compared to the lashings that were received by the Big D, E&Y, and McGladrey.

The PCAOB, in its infinite wisdom, stated that "KPMG did not show enough skepticism toward clients last year". What did they use to measure the skepticism shown, a Rolatape? They went on to say that in one instance the firm was "shy an appropriate amount of internal controls testing".

Have you ever done internal control testing? I'd only wish a fate of that magnitude on the likes of Dick Cheney. Of course someone is going to be shy the appropriate amount of testing. Had they continued to the "appropriate amount" there certainly would have been mass suicide on engagement teams.

No auditor is perfect, Peek-at-boobs, so making mountains out of molehills in this case won't fly with us.

Nicely played Radio Station. You've earned this one.

KPMG Should Be Tougher on Testing, PCAOB Finds [CFO.com] Sphere: Related Content

Follow-up on Big 4 Lawsuits Re: Overtime

Tramp has obtained an announcement made to KPMG employees regarding overtime lawsuits, originally mentioned here two weeks ago.

Quoting the announcement:

These lawsuits were filed by several of our former professional employees ("Plaintiffs") and allege that all of KPMG's associates and senior associates were improperly classified as salaried, or "exempt" employees (who do not receive overtime pay), and that they instead should have been classified as "non-exempt" employees and paid overtime. Among other things, the Plaintiffs are seeking back overtime pay and other monetary awards.

[We] want you to know that we work very hard to be an employer of choice and believe we have classified and paid our professional employees appropriately. Consequently, we have denied the claims asserted in the lawsuits, and we are actively engaged in defending against them.

The Plaintiffs are seeking to certify the cases as class actions, on behalf of all current and former associates and senior associates nationwide, as well as within certain specified states. If the courts grant the Plaintiffs' request that the cases be certified as class actions, then some of you may be potential class members, in which case you would have the right, at a future date, to determine whether you want to participate in the cases.

The "work very hard to be an employer of choice" part sounds sincere desperate because, oh, I don't know, there's lots of KPMG employees out there that were/are being treated like two-bit whores. Tramp predicts that this class action thing will get the go ahead and lots of people will be getting calls from big shot law firms.

So far, Tramp has not received any communicado on lawsuits affecting the other Big 4, so please pass along anything you may know.
Sphere: Related Content

Always a Bridesmaid: The #4 Accounting Firm's Investment in the #2 Golfer

We here at 10-key Tramp are not golf fans. It's not a terribly compelling sport in our opinion. Stuffy misogynists walking around in plaid pants with mismatched striped shirts doesn't do it for us. The reasons we got out of public accounting probably has similar roots in why we quit playing golf.

Nevertheless, what is compelling is that KPMG pays Phil Mickelson a lot of money but one has to wonder if the Radio Station is pleased with the production of their multi-million dollar investment.

P. Mick has won four times since donning the Radio Station logo but nothing too meaningful. No Masters, U.S. Open, British Open, or PGA Championship titles.

Today is the first round of the U.S. Open and Mickelson's first tournament since his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer, so Tramp might soften this one time, and root for Phil. We'd like to promise round-by-round updates on how the hat looks on Phil's head, if he is surrounded by scantily-clad KPMG sponsored babes, etc. but let's be honest, we'll just let you know on Sunday if he won. Sphere: Related Content

Wild Speculation Wednesday

The Radio Station is cutting positions in the tax practice in the United Kingdom, according to AccountancyAge:

An industry source said that a couple of hundred jobs could be cut. A spokesman for KPMG confirmed that the firm planned to cut jobs in its UK tax practice, but declined to give a likely figure for job cuts. He said that it was still consulting staff.

Sooo, this obviously leads us to wildly speculate that the U.S. tax practice is probably next.

A source also tells us there was mention in a Transaction Services (TS) meeting today that M&A activity is down 60% year over year. If true, this is considerably worse than what the firm put out back in January, possibly putting more TS professionals in the crosshairs.

KPMG to cut jobs in tax [AccountancyAge] Sphere: Related Content

KPMG Still Hyper Over the Tony's Thing

KPMG is feeling pretty damn good about snatching the Tony's from a small local firm that had been counting the votes for 50 years.

Since loyalty is obviously not being one of the virtues of those running award shows, the House of Klynveld is confident that it will be able to pick up more award shows and will dominate the dorks that get on TV for 15 seconds market.

In an internal announcement obtained by Tramp, the team is brimming with confidence, "They liked our ideas on providing analytical data about the voting, and our views on controls over the counting"

Who knew that counting votes for an awards show was so analytically demanding and needed rigorous controls?

"We're getting calls from partners in Los Angeles very interested in how we secured the win".

We'll be interested in how KPMG manages to miscount the votes and end up in a lawsuit when James Gandolfini doesn't win for God of Carnage. Tune in Sunday... Sphere: Related Content

Morning Links

Ex-Countrywide Execs May Still Face Criminal Charges - Don't worry, Angelo Mozilo may still end up in prison. The best part is that his skin would match the jumpsuit perfectly. [DealBook]

KPMG issues going concern warning on Liverpool FC - Football clubs aren't even safe? [AccountancyAge]

CFTC's Gensler sees no need to merge with U.S. SEC - Can you blame the guy? It's like having the stupidest kid in school on your class project [Reuters] Sphere: Related Content

Reiteration of Previous Unfounded Rumor About KPMG

Apparently the wheels of hierarchy turn slowly at the Radio Station...

As previously mentioned here, rumor now is it that word has just been passed down to managers from the big dogs that no pay increases and no bonuses for FY '09.

Discussions regarding the freeze may have started as early as March. Sphere: Related Content