We Should All Strive to be More Like George. Yes. George Costanza

It will come as no surprise to regular visitors of this blog that I absolutely detest small talk, a common form of dialogue for inhabitants in the corporate world and almost universally spoken among accountants. What I haven't discussed in detail is an advanced dialogue that is spoken by many, understood by some, and baffles all that come into contact with it: reversespeak.

For you scholars out there, yes, this is an Orewellian derivative, however, I'm hardly the first to utilize Orwellian influence. Mr. Orwell has turned out to be right about so many things that it's becoming increasingly cliche to reference the dystopia in the literary classic. But I digress...

The folks at Stuff Accountants Like have addressed this in some form (link below). The purpose of my post is to actually start an increasing body of analysis of this language. The more information that can be spread will no doubt be helpful to those professionals still in practice so they can avoid potential pitfalls as a result of not being familiar with reversespeak.

Reversespeak is incredibly difficult to follow and can it can be turned on and off by the speaker at any time. A hypothetical exchange appears below. See if you can see who is utilizing reversespeak:

Manager: Good morning hard working associate!

Associate: Uh, hello manager.

Manager: Have you had a chance to finish up that project that I assigned to you?

Associate: You mean the one you first told me about last night around 8 pm and is logistically and substantively complex?

Manager: Yes. That sounds right.

Associate: No, I haven't started on it yet

Manager: That's OK. I don't really expect you to work on the weekend or be able to go back in time and complete the project prior to me even asking you about it.

Associate: Uhhhhh....OK?

Manager: Oh, and don't worry. This won't come up in your project assessment either. It's really not that important.

Can you pick out the person using reversespeak? This may come as a surprise to you but it was......The Manager. I know, hard to believe.

Let me just translate for those of you that are not fluent in reversespeak:

Manager Statement #1: Good morning hard working associate!

Translation #1: What time did you get in to work today? Have you done a damn thing?

Manager Statement #2: Have you had a chance to finish up that project that I assigned to you?

Translation #2: Why isn't the project I assigned to you done?

Manager Statement #3: Yes. That sounds right.

Translation #3: Of course that's the project. Do you speak English?

Manager Statement #4: That's OK. I don't really expect you to work on the weekend or be able to go back in time and complete the project prior to me even asking you about it.

Translation #4: This is unacceptable. I expect you to work on the weekend or go back in time and complete the project before I even ask you about it.

Manager Statement #5: Oh, and don't worry. This won't come up in your project assessment either. It's really not that important.

Translation #5: You better be worried because this is sure as hell going into your project assessment. It's really an important project.

Identifying those who use reversespeak can be difficult as users of reversespeak all have their own style. Some use it as a form of sarcasm. Others use it as a way to hide their actual contempt for a particular person or thing. Others still, just because they are compulsive liars and don't really know what the truth is.

Proceed with caution when engaging someone who is a common user of reversespeak. In this day and age, you may end up finding yourself as a statistic if you're not listening closely.

#34 Saying the Opposite [Stuff Accountants Like]

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I chew my food with my mouth open?

http://msn.careerbuilder.com/custom/msn/careeradvice/viewarticle.aspx?articleid=1566&SiteId=cbmsnhm41566&GT1=23000&cbRecursionCnt=1&cbsid=3d358756d774409fb0e5ea8a7b415625-270035209-RC-4

Or just stew at your desk. Whatever works best for you! Sphere: Related Content

The Obsession with Buzz Words

Welcome to the 1st edition of my new blog. It will hopefully make some of you laugh and also give you an outlet to vent, if necessary. Anyway, here goes...

I work in the profession of accounting (tax/audit, whatever). And let me just say, before I get too far along, that I have worked and do work with many, many great people. Super-intelligent, funny, great at their jobs, and not-to-mention good-looking. I definitely think of these people as colleagues and friends.


They will read this and just laugh because they know what I am saying is true. The one thing about these people is they know that it’s lame and they are happy to laugh about it and make fun of the lame things they encounter.


Having just attended a week long seminar, I’ve had about a year’s worth of lameness to witness. The positive thing that comes out of such an experience is a lot to write about. One of these lame things is buzz words.



Buzz words. Anyone in that has ever worked in the Corporate World knows exactly what I’m talking about. Those annoying little words and phrases that you hear over and over in the form of metaphors, analogies, and the like.


Why, why, why on earth do people in the corporate world use buzz words? Because they heard someone else say it? Because they actually think that it makes it easier to understand something? How about because someone is JUST PLAIN LAME. There are so many lame people in the corporate world. Not lame in the sense that they aren’t good people but perhaps that they are just boring people. The way they dress is lame, the food they like is lame, and definitely the way they talk is lame.


Here are a few examples of buzz words that drive me up the wall:


· Best practices – refers to common methods used in one’s industry or practice that has proven to be affective for one person but usually results in a complete debacle for everyone else


· Hot topics – subjects of interest affecting one’s industry or business. Typically hot topics become something that everyone tires of hearing about and phase out of being a hot topic to “this shit again?”


· Head’s up – involves someone notifying you in advance of something that they are going to tell you about in the future. Typical response to a head’s up might be: “Thanks for warning me that I’m going to have to talk to your lame-ass again”.


· Any football metaphor (e.g. blocking and tackling, quarterbacking, kick-off) – the usage of football metaphors are immensely popular among sports-loving men. However, women who love football have been known to use them as well. All sports, all the time happens to be tremendously lame. Sorry, guys.


· Credit crunch or credit crisis – this is an example of implementing current events to buzz words. This is mostly the fault of producers in the lame business media (CNBC, Fox Business News)


· Quick question – When someone has a question for you that, on the surface is simple and will be “quick” to give the answer to. For example, a truly quick question may be “what day is it?” I can quickly respond, “Friday”. A “quick question” in world of accounting and auditing may be: “are you familiar with Financial Accounting Standards Board Statement 157 and its potential impact on the valuation of hard-to-value investments held by investment companies?” This is neither a quick question nor a quick answer. Hence, what the hell is quick about it?


· What’s on your plate? – A disgusting way of asking someone how much work they have to do. Typically gets asked late in the evening when a manager needs something done that he/she doesn’t want to do themselves and asks someone who already has enough work to last until the end of the year.


· Pretty straight forward - A phrase utilized to wrap up an explanation that is anything but "pretty straight forward". This phrase, in fact, means that whatever was explained to you is actually, completely bassfuckingackwards.

· Circle back - refers to someone going to check on something that they don't know the answer to and communicating back to you once they do know the answer. Usually when you hear this, no one plans on getting back to you at all.

· What if what you said/wrote was on the front page of the Wall St. Journal? - This is a hypothetical scenario that management thinks you should consider before forwarding an email, picking up a DOJ authorized tapped phone, or hitting on a hot co-worker.

Now if after reading these, you find yourself thinking, “these seem to be effective ways of communicating to a large group or to anyone in general”, please stop reading my blog.


This is by no means an exclusive list. Please feel free to comment with some of your more annoying examples. Sphere: Related Content